What If
by Merrine
Summary: While enoying a nice cup of tea England is dusturbed by his younger brothers America and Australia who apprently saw a wormhole and got a television from it called 'The What If Machine', this can't be real can it?
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: Crack idea I had, human names used in the 'What If…' parts. Australia- Keith. Real Life. **What If Life.**)

A peaceful afternoon enjoying the beautiful sun with a cup of English breakfast tea, ah this was the life he loved. Not being bothered by pesky younger brothers or anything of the like, it was beautiful truly magnificent.

"Iggy look what America found!" Australia shouted bounding up the two of them riding a single skateboard.

"Blooming heck what do you two think you are doing?" England screamed dropping his tea, "This better be good!"

"It is," Australia comforted lowering something that looked like a television with a microphone on the top.

"One of my citizens TV shows features this and for some reason this wormhole appeared and Keith and I nicked it!" America shouted pulling up a chair Australia jumping onto his lap.

"A wormhole? I find that hard to believe," England said annoyed, "Australia why are you sitting on America's lap?"

"But it was true we both saw it!" Australia shouted, he was taken aback by England's question, "Because he's my big brother and I wanna spend time with him."

"So fine I give up!" England shouted crossing his arms leaning back, "What does it do?"

"You ask it a 'What if...' question and it will answer it!" America said bending the microphone towards England, "Come on ask it a question!"

"No I don't want to, get Australia to!" He said rudely determined not to be involved in this nonsense.

"Okay fine I will," Australia said grabbing the microphone, "What if England wasn't such a tight ass?"

~oOo~

"**Hi guys!" Arthur shouted running into the room placing his hand on his chin raising his eye brows at the people in the room walking over to his chair winking at Alfred. **

"**Why do we have to go to these stupid meetings?" Keith asked flopping out onto the table, "We should play a game to lighten the mood!"**

"**Great idea Keith," Alfred said trying to ignore Arthur, "alright Francis what will we play?"**

"**Spin ze bottle of course," he said winking back at Arthur, which shut him up surprisingly well.**

**The room went awkwardly quiet as the nations proceeded to sit on the floor staring down at the bottle, none of them wanted to spin. Well one did. The bottle spun faster and faster and faster, spinning many revolutions then it slowed down pointing at Francis. Arthur sat up and crawled over to Francis licking his bottom lip leaving a trail of saliva behind before moving his tongue inside wrapping his legs around Francis pulling at his hair.**

**Francis didn't know what to think, he didn't really object to this treatment so joined in the kiss happily pulling his mouth away placing his hands on Arthur's back letting them crawl lower and lower.**

**Arthur giggled moving forward biting Francis on the neck causing a moan to escape his lips.**

~oOo~

"What on earth is that shit?" England said punching the screen causing it to fade back to the purple swirls, "Ugh that was disgusting!"

"But we missed the best bit!" Australia whined.

"You wanted to see me make out with France?" England asked feeling used and abused.

"Blackmail," he said handing a mobile phone back to America, "well come on _you_ ask it a question then."

England sighed pulling the microphone closer to his mouth trying to get the mental image of him pashing France out of his head, "Oh great What If machine," he said sarcastically, "What if I didn't adopt Australia?"

~oOo~

"**Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey," repeated a nation at the back of the meeting room who was continually prodding Yao annoyingly, "hey hey hey hey hey..."**

"**Aiya!" Yao shrieked pushing him away, "Stop that aru."**

"**Bored," the nation replied.**

"**Go bother someone else aru," he called pointing over at the European nations at the end of the table, "Arthur may play with you."**

**The nation pouted walking over to Arthur and started to poke him, "Bored," he said poking him.**

**Arthur glared up at him, he had seen him around but mainly he seemed to keep to himself or bother the Asian nations, "Go. Away."**

"**Keith," he said pointing to himself then started poking Arthur in the cheek, "your Arthur? Play!"**

" **NO!" He shouted again slapping his hand away starting to get quite angry with him, "Why on earth are you bothering me?"**

"**Yao said so."**

**Yao...Arthur sneered at Yao angrily then rested his head on his palm allowing Keith to prod him, 'wonderful'.**

~oOo~

"What kind of bullshit reality was that?" England huffed standing up prepared to leave.

"Hey wait Iggy!" America shouted standing up forgetting Australia was on his lap, "Oh crap!" He got distracted pulling Australia back up onto the chair then dashed after England who had only walked a few steps, "Come on England, it's hardly accurate it's just for fun!"

"Fun my ass!" He snapped back at America.

"England..." America said sadly looking away...

To be continued...

...or not...

**(A/N: Cracky idea I had last night, I can't think of anything else to happen so u review and ask a What If question any question no matter how cracky...heheh hope you enjoyed it)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright!" America shouted pulling the microphone over to himself.

"Oh you are kidding aren't you?" England asked not knowing why he stayed to watch the insanity.

America coughed into his hand clearing his throat before speaking to the machine but before he could speak her heard a voice behind him, a soft mild voice which spoke before him.

"What if Russia ruled the world da?"

"Russia?" The three exclaimed before turning to the screen.

~oOo~

**Alfred walked along a dark path looking up at the sky shaking his head, he saw Arthur in front of him and smiled weakly. Arthur walked up to him handing him a small bag then turned.**

"**Toris said that Ivan went out so we will all be okay," Arthur spoke wearily as he started to walk again with a slight limp, "however once he gets back Toris and the others can't hold him off forever so we have to think of a plan."**

"**He really is a lot more sinister then he looks," Alfred said in annoyance as they started to walk along behind Arthur trying to be as quiet as possible.**

"**G'day mates," Keith said walking up behind them smiling.**

"**K-Keith ****are**** you okay?" Alfred asked stopping ****looking back at the other nation.**

"**Course I am," he said walking forward dress in a large black coat still smiling, "unlike you guys and the rest of Toris's little rebel force I listen to Vanya," Keith smiled drawing a small hand gun pointing it at the pair curling his lip seeing Alfred's shock, Arthur already knew.**

"**But Keith why?" Alfred asked stepping back towards Arthur for protection.**

**A gloved hand was placed on Keith's shoulder, "He became one with me, he is a good boy."**

**Arthur looked at Ivan sighing pulling his own gun out, "Let my brother go!"**

"**No I don't think I will," Ivan said happily bending down to Keith's ear, "shoot."**

**Bang.**

~oOo~

"What a beautiful ending," Russia said happily pulling up a chair behind them, "Australia you want to become one with Mother Russia da?"

"N-no," Australia shivered sitting back down in America's lap calming when he felt America's hands wrap around his body holding him in place.

England smirked grabbing the microphone, "I have a good question," he said grabbing the mic, "ahem what if I had won the revolutionary war?"

"Hey no fair!" America spat before the screen showed the reality.

~oOo~

"**Hey Arthur can you help me with something?" Alfred said walking in to his older brother's study, Iggy-brows and all.**

"**What do you need this time America?" He asked looking at his papers.**

"**Next commonwealth games, can we hold them at my place?" He asked pleading.**

**Arthur took his reading glasses off facing Alfred sighing, "We have discussed this at length, this year they will be at Keith's house," he said standing up walking over to Alfred, "alright?"**

"**Fine..."**

**Keith walked in happily running to Arthur slinging his arms around him, "Brother brother brother brother!"**

"**H-hey Keithy calm down," he said embracing him in the hug, he loved his brothers dearly.**

"**And Alfred what is the difference between our houses?" He asked looking at him, "They are both practically the same."**

"**That's true but it's the principle of the whole matter!" Alfred shouted back sighing.**

"**Alright lets solve this," Arthur said lacing Keith down, "let's go on a picnic~"**

"**Yay yay yay!" Keith cheered jumping up down.**

"**You win brother," Alfred said smiling.**

~oOo~

"Ugh I'm glad I won _that_ war," America said shuddering still holding tightly onto Australia.

"That was quite interesting," Russia said happily, "you seemed to enjoy that England."

England smiled smugly, "Well yes of course I did," he said starting to like this game, "well who will be next."

"What if America was conquered by Canada!" A shy voice shouted out from nowhere.

Not that anyone heard the voice but suddenly the machine buzzed and an image appeared on the screen.

~oOo~

"**Master is there anything else you require?" Alfred asked bowing down to Matthew with all due respect.**

"**Um," Matthew though holding onto a cane thinking to himself, "I think I'd like some more land..."**

"**I have sent as many ships as I can out to gather us...I mean you more land master," he said shaking in fear.**

"**Good boy," Matthew said tapping him on the shoulder gently, "lick."**

**Alfred sat up still holding his head down stepping up walking to Matthew kneeling down again holding his boot gently licking it from the toe up to the top with his eyes closed, his body shook as he licked his brother's boot. There was something wrong with this but if he said that to Matthew, well he didn't want to think about it.**

**Lash.**

**Alfred fell down holding his cheek where Matthew lashed him with the cane, "S-sorry master..."**

**Matthew's lip curled and he sighed standing up, "Maybe you can do something else then I may forgive you..."**

"**S-something else?" Alfred shuffled back tears welling in his eyes, "M-Matthew please don't...I mean I don't want to...Noooooooo!"**

~oOo~

America quickly belted the machine and the image stopped, he breathed deeply burying his head in Australia's back, "A-as I said it-t isn't-t a-always accurate..."

Australia turned around patting America gently on the head, "There there it's not like Canada will conquer you, I don't think anyone would apart from Russia."

"Da~!"

"Wah!" America buried his head deeper in Australia.

"Hey America please stop that it's weird," he said laughing.

"They are going to get me!"

_You've watched it, you can't un-watch it._

_Stay tuned for more Tales of Crackness! _

**(A/N: Thank you if you have read through this all, these three were all requests posted by you guys, I will probably only do 2-4 per chapter and use old ones if I don't get enough. I'm teasing you guys aren't I? Well anyway same with last time, if you have a what if question feel free to ask. It can be with any character or anything seriously, be as random as you like.)**


End file.
